Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
