I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
