Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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