got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize