the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
