bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
