If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
