Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
