i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
