why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
