Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
