I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize