What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
