Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
