if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
