we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
