I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
