I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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