with your own penis?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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