I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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