Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
