He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Even my vagina gasped.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
