Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
