After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
