I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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