ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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