Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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