I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
