OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
