Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
