seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
