Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
