I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
