Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
