he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how drunk are you?
Several
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
