I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
