walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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