Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
