First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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