Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
