Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
