Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
