6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
