whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
