What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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