You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
