Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize