im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
