so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
