he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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