If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize