you win again, gameday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
