I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
