I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
