I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She said her name was "party"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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