Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
