She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
