Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
