i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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