dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
