i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
