I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
