I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
