dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
