I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
high people should be assigned attendants
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
