Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
