The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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