So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
