but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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