guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
