Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
COCAINE IS GR8
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
