Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
